First of all, I'd like to apologize to my parents for going off about them before my facts were straight. I needed to vent and wanted to cool down before talking to them as when I did, I wnated to be clear headed so it could be a calm conversation and not just blow up and conversations with my parents have before. But I probably should not have made that vent public and for that I apologize.
Second of all, if you ahve something to say to me, something to criticize me for, something you want me to take remotely serious, back it up with a name or at least make sure you are right when you attack something like whether or not lyrics are correct or not. Anyone who plans to leave an anonymous comment, realize it won't be taken seriously at all.
Ever had a conversation with someone where you wonder if you are both speaking the same language? Ever have an argument with someone where you both are using the same logic to prove different points, causing you to wonder if its the same logic after all?
I went on a walk tonight and for the first time in a long time, it really didn't help. But it did make me wonder about something I hadn't really thought about, so I will take a poll: Do you think I am intense?
Been loving the OC Supertones lately. Such awesome music. I had forgotten about them. I just love rediscovering great bands.
"Why haven't you updated yet?" Because I almost feel like no one has read it. No one commented. Nothing I wrote affected you causing you to comment. See I hate updating before anyone has commented on the current post. Then I'm afraid no one will think to comment on that one. Maybe I'm weird, but if you want me to update more often, comment. It's kind of a positive feedback kind of thing. If I get a lot comments, I will update even more often, because then I feel like people care more.
Some people just intrigue me to no end. And I love it. I love getting to know someone and just seeing what makes them tick and why it does. I could sit down with a total stranger and probably enjoy just getting to know them. I may not want to be best friends afterwards, but I would enjoy the conversation. So if you want to talk or simply grab a nice cup of coffee, let me know, I'd love to pick your brain.
So I know I want to do something about it, but as to what, I am not sure. It seems like it could be so perfect, but I only totally understand it from my point of view. Something to ponder.
Ever hear someone sing/whistle the harmony to a song you can't hear? I swear thats just like female logic sometimes. I sure it would make sense and not just sound like a jumbled mess if I knew what was going on in your head.
Well not much more, so I will leave you with some awesome Supertones. And if you think the lyrics are wrong....bring it.
Please allow me to introduce me.
Half of me slave, the other half free.
Righteous and sinful,
both at the same time.
Iniquity and purity
fill up the same mind.
And out of the same mouth,
the holy and profane.
I curse all my brothers,
then I bless Christ's name.
I hang in the balance,
but still I'm secure.
I'm leaning towards evil,
but striving to be pure.
I stand between the saint and
sinner, chasing after holiness, close
enough to grasp, but still it's just
beyond my reach.
Who I am is in between,
what I wanna be and what I am.
Pulling from both sides,
humility and pride.
One seeks to give,
the other to be gratified.
In any case, however,
I know I'm in need.
Two appetites in me,
which one do I feed?
Running fast as I can
after elusive perfection.
No I'm not there yet,
but sure I'm in the right direction.
Cuz I see me at the end
and I look glorified.
Justified safe inside,
so I seek to be sanctified
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Little Man on a Sunday Night
There are no absolutes in life, except that driving around the holidas will make you crazy. On 70 from St. Louis to Terre Haute, I swear people must think that the lanes have changed and that you chill in the left lane and pass on the right. Where did these people learn to drive? I passed 25 cars on a stretch where I was the only car in the right lane as far as I could see, but these cars were lined up, one right after aother in the left, just chilling there, going about 65. People are so afriad to pass on the right. Now it shouldn't happen, but sometimes people are retarded and you have to. It should be illegal to get passed on the right. Or maybe have a three strike system. If you are ever passed on the right 3 times on a trip, you get a ticket. There is no reason you should ever get passed on the right if you are paying attention. If it happens every once in a while, I can see that, thats why you get three strikes. But if it happens more than that you are just being an asshat and should not have a license.
Ever get stuck behind a semi passing another semi for 10 minutes? Ever consider passing them on the shoulder because it's driving you that nuts? It's stuff like that that causes accidents. If I, a reasonably sensible person, will consider doing something as stupid as passing on the shoulder because of what something else would do (I don't actually do it, but it definately crosses my mind), what would your average driver do? A stupid driver (we all know there are plenty of those)?
Thanksgiving was pretty good. Got to see a few good friends from high school, which was very nice. I miss that group. It was fun to record the show for Danielle's project. I make a damn fine Edmund. :-P
He Who Must Not Be Named. That's what my neighbors have apparently started calling me. He Who Must Not Be Named. Because I am always in the doghouse at home and driving my parents nuts. Apparently. Or so my parents tell them. Apparently I am always driving them nuts. How does this make me feel? Wonderful, let me tell ya. Gotta love hearing that your parents bitch about you to the neighbors you are so close with, you consider them family. And not occasionally either, but all the time. Now doesn't that make you not want to wait to get home again?
Found out something else that has really sparked my interest. Not sure what to do about it yet though. I need to bounce some things off some good friends, so let me know if you'd like to catch a cup of coffee with me.
It was good to see my little brother, Danny again. He is surviving the Academy. And Leslie is surviving him being at the Academy. Those two are so amazingly cute, almost makes ya sick. Jimmy and Mo, too. I feel like such a loser around those two couples since I can't even make it past three months and they are on four and two years, respectively. And I get that look from my parents like, "Bob, you need to get going, you are the oldest and your brothers are showing you up." And so they try to set me up with Michelle as much as they can.
We have a tree now. Yup, that's right, we are festive. I think my parents love the fact that I have a house now. It gives them an excuse to get new stuff. Whatever, I don't mind.
Maybe I should get some sleep. Well I'll leave you with some classic O.C. Supertones. Enjoy.
Keep both my eyes transfixed on the prize
A high-rise to the blue skies my piece of the pie
There's a hole in my heart that I know how to fill
That's to light my cigarettes with a hundred dollar bill
It's all about cash flow the California dream
To make the grade you gotta make the green
My friend I'm the champion I've no time for losers
Never ask for nothin 'cause beggars can't be choosers
Lookin' our for number ones's a full time occupation
I'll give to me myself and I my own salvation
Some people try to tell me God can save me from my sin
But God can take a number and I'll pencil Him in
Busy oh so busy I got no time to search
My Sunday's are all booked I've got no time for church
That's for those poor souls, dry as a stone
God bless this child 'cause this child's got His own.
Oh, let my pride fall down I'm a little man
He who gets the most toys and dies is the winner
I'm livin' the high life with lobster tail dinners
My Lexus, my yacht, my gold chains and rings
These are a few of my favorite things
But most of all I keep my billfold the closest to my heart
House decorated with million dollar works of art
Roll with the Bigwigs they think I'm the man
But then I stop and look and think about how big I really am
Mammon is an unforgiving God, I cast him away
I live my life to God, not to get paid
Money can't save your soul, don't think I can
I look to God and I feel like a little man.
Ever get stuck behind a semi passing another semi for 10 minutes? Ever consider passing them on the shoulder because it's driving you that nuts? It's stuff like that that causes accidents. If I, a reasonably sensible person, will consider doing something as stupid as passing on the shoulder because of what something else would do (I don't actually do it, but it definately crosses my mind), what would your average driver do? A stupid driver (we all know there are plenty of those)?
Thanksgiving was pretty good. Got to see a few good friends from high school, which was very nice. I miss that group. It was fun to record the show for Danielle's project. I make a damn fine Edmund. :-P
He Who Must Not Be Named. That's what my neighbors have apparently started calling me. He Who Must Not Be Named. Because I am always in the doghouse at home and driving my parents nuts. Apparently. Or so my parents tell them. Apparently I am always driving them nuts. How does this make me feel? Wonderful, let me tell ya. Gotta love hearing that your parents bitch about you to the neighbors you are so close with, you consider them family. And not occasionally either, but all the time. Now doesn't that make you not want to wait to get home again?
Found out something else that has really sparked my interest. Not sure what to do about it yet though. I need to bounce some things off some good friends, so let me know if you'd like to catch a cup of coffee with me.
It was good to see my little brother, Danny again. He is surviving the Academy. And Leslie is surviving him being at the Academy. Those two are so amazingly cute, almost makes ya sick. Jimmy and Mo, too. I feel like such a loser around those two couples since I can't even make it past three months and they are on four and two years, respectively. And I get that look from my parents like, "Bob, you need to get going, you are the oldest and your brothers are showing you up." And so they try to set me up with Michelle as much as they can.
We have a tree now. Yup, that's right, we are festive. I think my parents love the fact that I have a house now. It gives them an excuse to get new stuff. Whatever, I don't mind.
Maybe I should get some sleep. Well I'll leave you with some classic O.C. Supertones. Enjoy.
Keep both my eyes transfixed on the prize
A high-rise to the blue skies my piece of the pie
There's a hole in my heart that I know how to fill
That's to light my cigarettes with a hundred dollar bill
It's all about cash flow the California dream
To make the grade you gotta make the green
My friend I'm the champion I've no time for losers
Never ask for nothin 'cause beggars can't be choosers
Lookin' our for number ones's a full time occupation
I'll give to me myself and I my own salvation
Some people try to tell me God can save me from my sin
But God can take a number and I'll pencil Him in
Busy oh so busy I got no time to search
My Sunday's are all booked I've got no time for church
That's for those poor souls, dry as a stone
God bless this child 'cause this child's got His own.
Oh, let my pride fall down I'm a little man
He who gets the most toys and dies is the winner
I'm livin' the high life with lobster tail dinners
My Lexus, my yacht, my gold chains and rings
These are a few of my favorite things
But most of all I keep my billfold the closest to my heart
House decorated with million dollar works of art
Roll with the Bigwigs they think I'm the man
But then I stop and look and think about how big I really am
Mammon is an unforgiving God, I cast him away
I live my life to God, not to get paid
Money can't save your soul, don't think I can
I look to God and I feel like a little man.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Give Me a Call on a Tuesday Night
So Mahoney is now 21. Congratulations, man. You made it another year. How does it feel?
At BW3's tonight, I began to appreciate being from Illinois a little bit more as Mahoney was turned down for a drink on his 21st birthday. See in Indiana, your driver's license expires on your 21st birthday, so you must renew it on that day. If you renew beforehand, it's only a probationary license, and if you renew after it expires, they charge you a late fee. So you get a one day window. How retarded is that?
Nick says some of the weirdest things in his sleep, rivaling even Adam.
You know what really gets my goose? People canceling on me last minute. I just don't get this at all. For me, when I give my word on something, I'm in. Period. Unless something major happens, like breaking my toe causing me not to be able to drive, I'll be there. You can count on me.
I also don't get why it is so hard for some people who are pretty close to come see me. And I'm tired of hearing excuses. If you want it to happen, you will find a way. So you don't have a car, I'm sure you can find someone who would be wiling to up and go visit a friend with you. This is college. So you've been busy. I understand that, but I guarentee you aren't always busy. I guess I just know where I stand with some people.
Disclaimer: Neither of the above paragraphs are directed at anyone in particular or even necessarily to current events, so don't read into it.
Wanting something you can't have can drive a man crazy.
Ever feel like some people take your generosity for granted? Like they know you are a pretty generous person and so it is now just expected? Sure, I probably would say yes, but maybe I'd still like you to ask and not just assume, as well as a simple thank you goes a long way, even if it isn't out of the ordinary. Maybe I shouldn't be generous all the time any more. Maybe just bring it out for special occasions. Then would it be more appreciated?
Well, that's all for now. I'll leave you with some 311. Cheers.
Ooh you draw such pictures in my head
Ooh with so few words I know what you said
Until the time comes
To carry the one
Make that dream real
And be sure it stays done
So let that thought
Bloom in your mind
A vision that's caught
Never left behind
You should just give me a call
You should just give me a call
I think about you much more than I should
Now there's a structure nothing had once stood
No more bluffing it's cards on the table time
What it must be we will take it as a sign
So just give me a call
So just give me a call
Sunset and my love left me
winter and I'm so far
In darkness will it lead me
where the meanings are
I miss and think of you often
no flowers I forgot them
the weather's the same
nothing happens
no love's a hard lesson
patience and years will refashion
what hours will undo
and circles not yet quite circles
somehow close true
I keep on hearing the things that you said
I keep on feeling you go straight to my head
No more bluffing it's cards on the table time
What it must be we will take it as a sign
So just give me a call
So just give me a call
I call you up but you won't talk to me
No space for words there's just no room
I drift away but you pull me in
I'm the ocean youre the moon
Ooh how do I know if it's just me
Sometimes I think that it must be
You gotta know you can trust me
At BW3's tonight, I began to appreciate being from Illinois a little bit more as Mahoney was turned down for a drink on his 21st birthday. See in Indiana, your driver's license expires on your 21st birthday, so you must renew it on that day. If you renew beforehand, it's only a probationary license, and if you renew after it expires, they charge you a late fee. So you get a one day window. How retarded is that?
Nick says some of the weirdest things in his sleep, rivaling even Adam.
You know what really gets my goose? People canceling on me last minute. I just don't get this at all. For me, when I give my word on something, I'm in. Period. Unless something major happens, like breaking my toe causing me not to be able to drive, I'll be there. You can count on me.
I also don't get why it is so hard for some people who are pretty close to come see me. And I'm tired of hearing excuses. If you want it to happen, you will find a way. So you don't have a car, I'm sure you can find someone who would be wiling to up and go visit a friend with you. This is college. So you've been busy. I understand that, but I guarentee you aren't always busy. I guess I just know where I stand with some people.
Disclaimer: Neither of the above paragraphs are directed at anyone in particular or even necessarily to current events, so don't read into it.
Wanting something you can't have can drive a man crazy.
Ever feel like some people take your generosity for granted? Like they know you are a pretty generous person and so it is now just expected? Sure, I probably would say yes, but maybe I'd still like you to ask and not just assume, as well as a simple thank you goes a long way, even if it isn't out of the ordinary. Maybe I shouldn't be generous all the time any more. Maybe just bring it out for special occasions. Then would it be more appreciated?
Well, that's all for now. I'll leave you with some 311. Cheers.
Ooh you draw such pictures in my head
Ooh with so few words I know what you said
Until the time comes
To carry the one
Make that dream real
And be sure it stays done
So let that thought
Bloom in your mind
A vision that's caught
Never left behind
You should just give me a call
You should just give me a call
I think about you much more than I should
Now there's a structure nothing had once stood
No more bluffing it's cards on the table time
What it must be we will take it as a sign
So just give me a call
So just give me a call
Sunset and my love left me
winter and I'm so far
In darkness will it lead me
where the meanings are
I miss and think of you often
no flowers I forgot them
the weather's the same
nothing happens
no love's a hard lesson
patience and years will refashion
what hours will undo
and circles not yet quite circles
somehow close true
I keep on hearing the things that you said
I keep on feeling you go straight to my head
No more bluffing it's cards on the table time
What it must be we will take it as a sign
So just give me a call
So just give me a call
I call you up but you won't talk to me
No space for words there's just no room
I drift away but you pull me in
I'm the ocean youre the moon
Ooh how do I know if it's just me
Sometimes I think that it must be
You gotta know you can trust me
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Smell the Color Nine on a Tuesday Night
Watched Donnie Darko tonight. Excellent movie. Really makes you think. I love movies like that. It is so well done too. Really makes you think about the mysteries of time travel or seeing into the future. Love it.
Got to hear from my good friend Michelle last night, and I must say it was wonderful to sit down and just talk with her again. I really miss that. I used to be really close to some people from high school and I miss that connection that we had. Maybe I can get it back, or maybe it will never be the same. We'll just have to see.
So take a chance and make it big,
Cause it's the last you'll ever get.
If we don't take it, when will we make it?
A hundred points to the first to name that band and song.
I watch friends all around me getting maried and it makes me wonder why I can't even date a girl longer than three months? What am I doing wrong here? Why has dating become so hard? Why has it become so hard to simply get to know some people sometimes so you can even make the decision of whether or not you woud like to step int something with them? Since when did that word date become a huge turnoff? I see girls that fit the requirements I have made, but none of them seem to be interested in me. Am I aiming too high? Do I have too high of standards?
Ever feel like you are sitting still as life flies by you? Sometimes I feel like in the game of life I am still the backup quarterback. I practice hard, I take tough hits from our starting defense since they can't hit the starting quarterback and then come gametime, I stand on the sidelines with the clip board wathing the game unfold. What's worse than watching a game from the sidelines? Watching your team lose from the sidelines. To see a loss to your team when you aren't even given the chance to help out. You want to be out there, especially if your team is losing.
Well looks like I'll be able to come home this weekend. Not much is going on around here as Rose is on break and I could use a nice weekend at home. Not to mention Michelle needs a date for the fall play and that sounds like it would be an awesome time. How can ya pass that up? I mean, for Christ's sake!
Well??
Hehe, gotta love BNL. If you didn't get the above, then you need to listen to their live CD that Adam has.
I am really looking forward to a nice weekend at home. Amy will be home as well, which it will be nice to see her again. It's been a while. If you will be home this weekend and want to get together, let me know. We'll work something out.
Well I think I will leave you with some awesome Chris Rice. Such a talented musician and writer. This song intrigued me since the first moment I heard the title. I love the words. And I think sometimes tying to understand women is like trying to smell the color nine.
I would take no for an answer,
Just to know I heard you speak,
And I'm wondering why I've never,
Seen the signs they claim they see,
A lotta special revelations,
Meant for everybody but me,
Maybe I don't truly know You,
or maybe I just simply believe...
Cause I can sniff, I can see, and I can
count up pretty high; but these faculties
aren't getting me any closer to the sky,
but my heart of faith keeps poundin' so
I know I'm doin' fine but sometimes findin
you is just like tryin to smell the color nine.
Smell the color nine...
Now I've never felt the presence,
But I know You're always near,
And I've never heard the calling,
But somehow You've led me right here,
So I'm not lookin' for burnin' bushes,
Or some Divine graffiti to appear,
I'm just beggin You for Your wisdom,
And I believe You're puttin' some here...
Nine's not a color...
and if even if it were you can't smell a color,
no that's my point exactly.
Got to hear from my good friend Michelle last night, and I must say it was wonderful to sit down and just talk with her again. I really miss that. I used to be really close to some people from high school and I miss that connection that we had. Maybe I can get it back, or maybe it will never be the same. We'll just have to see.
So take a chance and make it big,
Cause it's the last you'll ever get.
If we don't take it, when will we make it?
A hundred points to the first to name that band and song.
I watch friends all around me getting maried and it makes me wonder why I can't even date a girl longer than three months? What am I doing wrong here? Why has dating become so hard? Why has it become so hard to simply get to know some people sometimes so you can even make the decision of whether or not you woud like to step int something with them? Since when did that word date become a huge turnoff? I see girls that fit the requirements I have made, but none of them seem to be interested in me. Am I aiming too high? Do I have too high of standards?
Ever feel like you are sitting still as life flies by you? Sometimes I feel like in the game of life I am still the backup quarterback. I practice hard, I take tough hits from our starting defense since they can't hit the starting quarterback and then come gametime, I stand on the sidelines with the clip board wathing the game unfold. What's worse than watching a game from the sidelines? Watching your team lose from the sidelines. To see a loss to your team when you aren't even given the chance to help out. You want to be out there, especially if your team is losing.
Well looks like I'll be able to come home this weekend. Not much is going on around here as Rose is on break and I could use a nice weekend at home. Not to mention Michelle needs a date for the fall play and that sounds like it would be an awesome time. How can ya pass that up? I mean, for Christ's sake!
Well??
Hehe, gotta love BNL. If you didn't get the above, then you need to listen to their live CD that Adam has.
I am really looking forward to a nice weekend at home. Amy will be home as well, which it will be nice to see her again. It's been a while. If you will be home this weekend and want to get together, let me know. We'll work something out.
Well I think I will leave you with some awesome Chris Rice. Such a talented musician and writer. This song intrigued me since the first moment I heard the title. I love the words. And I think sometimes tying to understand women is like trying to smell the color nine.
I would take no for an answer,
Just to know I heard you speak,
And I'm wondering why I've never,
Seen the signs they claim they see,
A lotta special revelations,
Meant for everybody but me,
Maybe I don't truly know You,
or maybe I just simply believe...
Cause I can sniff, I can see, and I can
count up pretty high; but these faculties
aren't getting me any closer to the sky,
but my heart of faith keeps poundin' so
I know I'm doin' fine but sometimes findin
you is just like tryin to smell the color nine.
Smell the color nine...
Now I've never felt the presence,
But I know You're always near,
And I've never heard the calling,
But somehow You've led me right here,
So I'm not lookin' for burnin' bushes,
Or some Divine graffiti to appear,
I'm just beggin You for Your wisdom,
And I believe You're puttin' some here...
Nine's not a color...
and if even if it were you can't smell a color,
no that's my point exactly.
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Somewhere I Belong on a Friday Night
I needed tonight. It was refreshingly relaxing. I didn't really do much at all and it was everything I was hoping it would be. After a most tasty dinner at Real Hacienda, we came back to the house. I ran to take a shower real quick so I could run to Ballroom Dancing Club, but as I stepped into the shower and felt that hot water massaging, beating on my skin, I decided I didn't want to run about tonight. I didn't want to push for a 2 minute shower, but relax and just enjoy a nice, hot shower. Then I got out and tooled for a little bit and played a video game a little. We played a little poker, for no money mind you (which gets a little annoying, but I'll come back to that) then I just curled up on the couch and just read for a while, enjoying a nice beverage. It was wonderful. I just sat there for a couple hours, diving into a nice book without a care. Then Justin calls me up and informs me we are heading to IHOP. So I got to a stopping point and went over to my computer to check some stuff to find that an old friend has added me to her MSN list. So I chatted with her for a little. It was really nice. I haven't spoken to her in ages, but had wondered what had happened to her. So it's always nice to catchup a little.
All in all, a good night. I'm in a good mood, can ya tell?
In a Linkin Park mood right now. Which is kind of odd. Linkin Park tends to be kinda angry, but I'm not angry at all. Maybe it's more becuase it makes it feel like freshman year. Who knows?
It's been a crazy week ranging from absolute bliss when the Pats got destroyed, and I mean destroyed, by the Colts to wanting to jump off a cliff. But things are back to a simple smile.
You know what I love? I love that simple late night cup of coffee with someone fun. Just go somewhere and talk. I love big group stuff, don't get me wrong, but I mis just doing something with one person. To simply dive into getting to know them better. A deep conversation or a simple late reminiscence of previous happenings. I love it. Especially with those I don't know that well. So for those of you out there I don't knwo as well as I would like, which pretty much includes everyone who reads my blog, let me know, I'd love to sit down and talk.
Well, it is getting late so I think I'll leave ya with some Linkin Park. Enjoy.
(When this began)
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
And I let it all out to find
That I’m not the only person with these things in mind
(Inside of me)
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I’ve got left to feel
(Nothing to lose)
Just stuck/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve held so long
(Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
And I’ve got nothing to say
I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
Looking everywhere only to find
That it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(So what am I)
What do I have but negativity
’Cause I can’t justify the way, everyone is looking at me
(Nothing to lose)
Nothing to gain/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own
I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong
All in all, a good night. I'm in a good mood, can ya tell?
In a Linkin Park mood right now. Which is kind of odd. Linkin Park tends to be kinda angry, but I'm not angry at all. Maybe it's more becuase it makes it feel like freshman year. Who knows?
It's been a crazy week ranging from absolute bliss when the Pats got destroyed, and I mean destroyed, by the Colts to wanting to jump off a cliff. But things are back to a simple smile.
You know what I love? I love that simple late night cup of coffee with someone fun. Just go somewhere and talk. I love big group stuff, don't get me wrong, but I mis just doing something with one person. To simply dive into getting to know them better. A deep conversation or a simple late reminiscence of previous happenings. I love it. Especially with those I don't know that well. So for those of you out there I don't knwo as well as I would like, which pretty much includes everyone who reads my blog, let me know, I'd love to sit down and talk.
Well, it is getting late so I think I'll leave ya with some Linkin Park. Enjoy.
(When this began)
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
And I let it all out to find
That I’m not the only person with these things in mind
(Inside of me)
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I’ve got left to feel
(Nothing to lose)
Just stuck/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve held so long
(Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
And I’ve got nothing to say
I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
Looking everywhere only to find
That it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(So what am I)
What do I have but negativity
’Cause I can’t justify the way, everyone is looking at me
(Nothing to lose)
Nothing to gain/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own
I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
So that I may understand the complex infrastructure known as the female mind...
[EDIT]
Ok, so I think people got the wrong impression of that post. I am a writer. I love creative writing. And this was a time that I simply sat down and just wrote. Not a big novel like I have been working on, but a short story. a simple half hour of my life that I hoped to write and hope that you would feel the emotions of the narrator. I guess in a way, that worked, but feeling sorry for me was not the emotion I was going for really. For one, this wasn't a total defeat. At least I think. Who knows, but I doubt it was. I wasn't looking for advice, although thank you to all who were willing to give it. I was simply doing some creative writing, but I guess that wasn't quite made well known. So I have moved it to my Creative Writing Site. This I am sure is a better fit. Thanks for your comments, and check out my awesome stories on the site if you liked the previous post.
Ok, so I think people got the wrong impression of that post. I am a writer. I love creative writing. And this was a time that I simply sat down and just wrote. Not a big novel like I have been working on, but a short story. a simple half hour of my life that I hoped to write and hope that you would feel the emotions of the narrator. I guess in a way, that worked, but feeling sorry for me was not the emotion I was going for really. For one, this wasn't a total defeat. At least I think. Who knows, but I doubt it was. I wasn't looking for advice, although thank you to all who were willing to give it. I was simply doing some creative writing, but I guess that wasn't quite made well known. So I have moved it to my Creative Writing Site. This I am sure is a better fit. Thanks for your comments, and check out my awesome stories on the site if you liked the previous post.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Loss For Words on a Sunday Night
Hehe, the irony of that title.
After looking for hours upon hours I found my lost CD. And I am in a good mood. A very good mood. =)
Gage is here this weekend. It has been a very good weekend. I rather enjoyed it. All of it. I don't remember the last time that has happened. I think the last time that happened was when I took Katie home with me, and we went to a Cardinals game and played golf. That was a fun weekend. Well this one was up there, but for different reasons.
Friday we went to see Jarhead. Awesome movie. It made me remember all that I loved about the military and really made me strongly consider OTS after graduating. Such a great and honorable profession. Maybe it is what I was meant to do, maybe not. We'll see. But as far as movies go, Jarhead was an excellent film and I would highly recomend it. If you are around the Haute and are looking for someone to go with ya, let me know. I'd see it again.
Every storm deserves an ending
And a break to peaceful skies
And every night I pray for my own mending
So another hundred points to anyone to tell me the name of the band and song this is from. I will give you a hint, it is the same band and the previous post. Hell, another, I wish I had the lea singer's range. Such an excellent singer.
I got to talk to an old friend from high school. It was really nice to talk to this person again. She made me smile and a nice smile is always appreciated. 34 points to you.
Gage cooked dinner tonight, and did a damn fine job I may add. Check out the recipe and you can almost imagine what it tastes like. Only it even tastes better. I even enjoyed the mushrooms in it. And for those who know me, that says something. I think I am gonna have to cook it at home somtime. Mmmmmmmmm.
Ever be rather interested in someone, only for them to choose a complete douche hat over you? I have. A couple times even. And there is nothing you can do. You are their friend, but anything you say to them about how much of an ass clown this person is so they don't get hurt, there is that wonder of motivation. Gahhhhhh. Not to mention what a slap in the face it is to know that this jerk was chosen over you. That to this person, you are lower than one of the biggest asses you know. Wow, what a humbling expereince. And then they have issues in the relationship about how much he's a jerk and she comes to you, the friend. And as a friend you want to give her honest advice, but you can't. Because if you were honest with her, she would think you are simply trying to break them up so you can date her. So you must say something to calm her fears and help her work the rlationship out, even if you don't think the relationship is a good idea because you don't want to be the one to say that she should ditch the bastard. Grrrrrrrrr.
Ever listen to old music and have it remind you of something very specific because you played it often when doing something. I get that a lot. Most of my music can remind me of something specific, having nothing to do with the song itself but what i was doing when listeing to it. Linkin Park often reminds me of freshman year as I wore that band out that year. Switchfoot reminds me of Caroline. 311, Katie. The new Tait and Toby CDs, the winter I spent at home--each one reminding me of a different job I held while home, Toby-the job in the radiology dept of St E's hospital, Tait-the warehouse job for the Shrine. It's kind of interesting actually.
I enjoy having Gage here. I'm glad he will be here full time again soon.
I have received many compliments on my covers and I thank you all very much. It's nice to see the work that you put into something go appreciated, and I appreciate your support.
Ever get mad or irritated at someone for not dropping everything when you need them, even though you know that's way too much to demand of someone. You feel like a jerk for being aggrivated, but you would drop everything for this person. But still, you have no reason to be mad. Maybe I'm just dumb. Inner-conflict. Grrrrrrrr.
I love late night talks with certain people. There is nothing like it.
Well, it's late, I should go to bed. So I will leave you with some Tait. Thank God for finding that CD. Love it.
I’m at a loss,
I’m at a loss for words, I really want to say
I’m finding for myself
What can I do
When every road I travel leads me back to you
Instead of somewhere else
I apologize
Cause what I wanted to say
Never came out the way
I wanted it to, I wanted it to
Cause what I wanted to say
Only got in the way
I never meant to hurt you
But I didn’t have a clue
I’m just a man
I’m just a man in need of something better than
I’m finding for myself
You count the cost
For everything you gain there’s always something lost
You’re worth so much more
Listen to my heart whispering
I need you
Empty words cannot suffice
I’ve been runnin’ from what I know is right
When only Yours are words of life
Every time you come around
Every time I make a sound
After looking for hours upon hours I found my lost CD. And I am in a good mood. A very good mood. =)
Gage is here this weekend. It has been a very good weekend. I rather enjoyed it. All of it. I don't remember the last time that has happened. I think the last time that happened was when I took Katie home with me, and we went to a Cardinals game and played golf. That was a fun weekend. Well this one was up there, but for different reasons.
Friday we went to see Jarhead. Awesome movie. It made me remember all that I loved about the military and really made me strongly consider OTS after graduating. Such a great and honorable profession. Maybe it is what I was meant to do, maybe not. We'll see. But as far as movies go, Jarhead was an excellent film and I would highly recomend it. If you are around the Haute and are looking for someone to go with ya, let me know. I'd see it again.
Every storm deserves an ending
And a break to peaceful skies
And every night I pray for my own mending
So another hundred points to anyone to tell me the name of the band and song this is from. I will give you a hint, it is the same band and the previous post. Hell, another, I wish I had the lea singer's range. Such an excellent singer.
I got to talk to an old friend from high school. It was really nice to talk to this person again. She made me smile and a nice smile is always appreciated. 34 points to you.
Gage cooked dinner tonight, and did a damn fine job I may add. Check out the recipe and you can almost imagine what it tastes like. Only it even tastes better. I even enjoyed the mushrooms in it. And for those who know me, that says something. I think I am gonna have to cook it at home somtime. Mmmmmmmmm.
Ever be rather interested in someone, only for them to choose a complete douche hat over you? I have. A couple times even. And there is nothing you can do. You are their friend, but anything you say to them about how much of an ass clown this person is so they don't get hurt, there is that wonder of motivation. Gahhhhhh. Not to mention what a slap in the face it is to know that this jerk was chosen over you. That to this person, you are lower than one of the biggest asses you know. Wow, what a humbling expereince. And then they have issues in the relationship about how much he's a jerk and she comes to you, the friend. And as a friend you want to give her honest advice, but you can't. Because if you were honest with her, she would think you are simply trying to break them up so you can date her. So you must say something to calm her fears and help her work the rlationship out, even if you don't think the relationship is a good idea because you don't want to be the one to say that she should ditch the bastard. Grrrrrrrrr.
Ever listen to old music and have it remind you of something very specific because you played it often when doing something. I get that a lot. Most of my music can remind me of something specific, having nothing to do with the song itself but what i was doing when listeing to it. Linkin Park often reminds me of freshman year as I wore that band out that year. Switchfoot reminds me of Caroline. 311, Katie. The new Tait and Toby CDs, the winter I spent at home--each one reminding me of a different job I held while home, Toby-the job in the radiology dept of St E's hospital, Tait-the warehouse job for the Shrine. It's kind of interesting actually.
I enjoy having Gage here. I'm glad he will be here full time again soon.
I have received many compliments on my covers and I thank you all very much. It's nice to see the work that you put into something go appreciated, and I appreciate your support.
Ever get mad or irritated at someone for not dropping everything when you need them, even though you know that's way too much to demand of someone. You feel like a jerk for being aggrivated, but you would drop everything for this person. But still, you have no reason to be mad. Maybe I'm just dumb. Inner-conflict. Grrrrrrrr.
I love late night talks with certain people. There is nothing like it.
Well, it's late, I should go to bed. So I will leave you with some Tait. Thank God for finding that CD. Love it.
I’m at a loss,
I’m at a loss for words, I really want to say
I’m finding for myself
What can I do
When every road I travel leads me back to you
Instead of somewhere else
I apologize
Cause what I wanted to say
Never came out the way
I wanted it to, I wanted it to
Cause what I wanted to say
Only got in the way
I never meant to hurt you
But I didn’t have a clue
I’m just a man
I’m just a man in need of something better than
I’m finding for myself
You count the cost
For everything you gain there’s always something lost
You’re worth so much more
Listen to my heart whispering
I need you
Empty words cannot suffice
I’ve been runnin’ from what I know is right
When only Yours are words of life
Every time you come around
Every time I make a sound
Friday, November 04, 2005
Summertime on a Friday Night
So I haven't updated in a long while. Well aparently I am scaring some people with my blog or they think I am horribly depressed. We for one, I am not depressed, but I find it rather soothing that when I'm not in a good modd to write these thoughts in my blog. And second of all, when I'm in a great mood, I rarely want to just sit here at my computer for the length to write a post.
As for the reason for my posting drought, I have been crazy busy with work and such. But I have some awesome covers to show for my efforts. The men's basketball guide took me 12 hours to develop and the women's guide 8. Here are the covers I have done. Click on them for the full version.
If you want to see more of the covers I have created go here. Most of them should be there and will be there by this time next week.
The sun is rising in her eyes
Hold on, the day will come
Love is waiting
Running to the light
Hold on, the day will come
100 points to the first to leave the Artist and Song. 50 points a piece from last post to Heather and Jen. One named the artist, the other the name. Good job girls. Being able to name it, gives more respect for you.
We are going to see Jarhead tonight. I'm looking forward to that movie. It looks mighty good.
Ever spend time with someone you used to want to date and be reminded of the things you used to love about her, but then be reminded why you are no longer interested. Such conflict.
Nick has the full version of Trackmania. Muy excited. The muy seemed appropriate given it's Nick's game.
Ahhh, a new month. October is done. October sucked to last the year. November just feels so brand new. Nothing like a nice restart. I think life needs a Ctl-Alt-Del.
I've been rather enjoying Mae, so I think I will leave with some. Enjoy.
Summertime, summertime brought me back to thinking you were mine all those times.
We laid it down and left it all behind, we were blind.
Oh, the summertime.
We could ride, we could ride.
Take my hand and watch the world go by.
Laugh or cry, well we need to try, get off the line, time to fly.
Oh, the summertime.
Go on ahead and let it fade away.
No looking back you know the past will stay.
It's you and me, we could get out of here.
Jump in and go and we could drive for years.
We could feel alive...
Here we are, here we are,
windows down we see a falling star.
Stop the car.
Waiting for nothing but our beating hearts, going far.
Oh, the summertime.
So feel the air, feel the air,
take the map and point to anywhere.
I don't care. Fingers through your hair,
the sky I've seen is blue and green.
Oh, the summertime.
Driving away, leaving it all behind.
Driving away, just driving away.
As for the reason for my posting drought, I have been crazy busy with work and such. But I have some awesome covers to show for my efforts. The men's basketball guide took me 12 hours to develop and the women's guide 8. Here are the covers I have done. Click on them for the full version.
If you want to see more of the covers I have created go here. Most of them should be there and will be there by this time next week.
The sun is rising in her eyes
Hold on, the day will come
Love is waiting
Running to the light
Hold on, the day will come
100 points to the first to leave the Artist and Song. 50 points a piece from last post to Heather and Jen. One named the artist, the other the name. Good job girls. Being able to name it, gives more respect for you.
We are going to see Jarhead tonight. I'm looking forward to that movie. It looks mighty good.
Ever spend time with someone you used to want to date and be reminded of the things you used to love about her, but then be reminded why you are no longer interested. Such conflict.
Nick has the full version of Trackmania. Muy excited. The muy seemed appropriate given it's Nick's game.
Ahhh, a new month. October is done. October sucked to last the year. November just feels so brand new. Nothing like a nice restart. I think life needs a Ctl-Alt-Del.
I've been rather enjoying Mae, so I think I will leave with some. Enjoy.
Summertime, summertime brought me back to thinking you were mine all those times.
We laid it down and left it all behind, we were blind.
Oh, the summertime.
We could ride, we could ride.
Take my hand and watch the world go by.
Laugh or cry, well we need to try, get off the line, time to fly.
Oh, the summertime.
Go on ahead and let it fade away.
No looking back you know the past will stay.
It's you and me, we could get out of here.
Jump in and go and we could drive for years.
We could feel alive...
Here we are, here we are,
windows down we see a falling star.
Stop the car.
Waiting for nothing but our beating hearts, going far.
Oh, the summertime.
So feel the air, feel the air,
take the map and point to anywhere.
I don't care. Fingers through your hair,
the sky I've seen is blue and green.
Oh, the summertime.
Driving away, leaving it all behind.
Driving away, just driving away.
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