Ever been talked about as if you weren't there? Even when your head is resting on the person's shoulder? Ever have something criticized that you put a lot of value in, even in a simply joking way? Ever wonder if you could disappear and wonder if anyone notices, even if you make a lot of noise? If you have answered yes to any of these, I know how you feel. Well, that, and Ameritol may be right for you. Bug the crap out of your doctor about it so we can make another dollar.
Wow, in kind of a weird mood right now. I really can't explain it.
I'm getting tired of people criticizing religion so strongly around me. I don't know if people realize it bothers me, but I don't exactly hide it either.
I need to find a church here. I kind of feel like I am in a spiritual standstill, and I don't like it. Tere are some things I need to work on here. I know what they are, but knowing and doing are two totally different things.
My toe needs to heal, and fast. I found that I can be a sub and for free at a local bowling league. I miss bowling. Just losing everything around you for a couple hours. And that moment you step onto the lane, nothing else matters and everything fades away into a distant blur. Take a deep breath and throw the ball. I need to just lose myself sometimes and bowling is a great outlet. But until my toe heals, I don't have that.
Playing guitar last night with Nick was a lot of fun. I messed up the rhythm a few times, but I'm getting better. Flying Horses is such a fun song to play. I'm gonna start playing every night until my fingers hurt. Flying Horses was just what I needed. A song I can play and not sound retarded. I need to find words for the song I have written. I can feel them coming, but they aren't here yet. So I wait here in anticipation of being there in the moment. I wish I still had some of the songs I wrote before. They didn't have good music at all. but they were pretty good lyrically. Oh well, I shall be inspired again, once I know what I want to write about.
Well, I think I'll just leave you with some Relient K for good measures. Such an awesome song and great guitar. If you would like to hear it, let me know.
Am I at the point of no improvement?
What of the death I still dwell in?
I try to excel, but I feel no movement.
Can I be free of this unreleasable sin?
Never underestimate my Jesus.
You're telling me that there's no hope.
I'm telling you your wrong.
Never underestimate my Jesus
When the world around you crumbles
He will be strong, He will be strong
I throw up my hands
"Oh, the impossibilities"
Frustrated and tired
Where do I go from here?
Now I'm searching for the confidence I've lost so willingly
Overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fear
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Mood Rings on a Tuesday Night
So confused right now. Soooooooooooooooo friggin' confused. If I thought I was confused before, that was nothing. My brain hurts so much trying to figure this out. I just don't get it. Things need to be straightened out. I thought they were before, but now I'm not so sure. If you are female, and we are close, give me a call or come talk to me. I could use a female persepective on things.
So ISU nearly freaked me out today. I was checking my Award Information online to see where things were going to see that the amount I was getting from my Federal Stafford loan was less than half what they told me I was getting. Needless to say, I was pissed. I called the one competent counselor there to see what the hell was going on. He told me that he forgot to tell me that they had to wait on admissions to confirm that I was a full time student before they could officially approve me for that much, and since admissions takes so long to get back to them, he went ahead and approved me for the most he could for part-time and then I would get the rest once admissions cooperates. This way, I would at least get some of it soon since I have bills to pay. So instead of ISU screwing me over, like they had done so many times before, he was making it better for me, since they had lost my stafford loan paperwork anyway, he wanted to make it up to me. I am so glad I found this counselor. Someone that will work with you. I am no longer dealing with the ISU Financial Aid office as a whole, but going directly to this guy.
So it is now officially my dad's birthday. Happy Birthday Dad, and I will call you tonight. When is best to call?
Kinda tired and too confused to talk about much of anything else besides the enchiladas and tortilla soup was awesome. Now I will leave you with the most appropriate Relient K.
we all know the girls that i am talking about
well they are time bombs and they are ticking
and the only question's when they'll blow up
and they'll blow up; we know that without a doubt
cause they're those girls, yeah you know those girls that let their emotions get the best of them
and i've contrived some sort of a plan to help my fellow man
let's get emotional girls to all wear mood rings
so we'll be tipped off to when they're ticked off
cause we'll know just what they're thinking
cause what they're thinking...
she's so pretty but she but doesn't always act that way
her mood's out swinging on the swing set almost every day
she said to me that she's so happy it's depressing
and all i said was "someone get that girl a mood ring"
if it's drama you want then look no further
they're like the real world meets boy meets world meets days of our lives
and it just kills me how they get away with murder
they'll anger you then bat their eyes; those pretty eyes that watch you sympathize
and i've contrived some sort of a plan to help my fellow man
let's get emotional girls to all wear mood rings
so we'll be tipped off to when they're ticked off
cause we'll know just what they're thinking
cause what they're thinking...
she's so pretty but she but doesn't always act that way
her mood's out swinging on the swing set almost every day
she said to me that she's so stressed out that it's soothing
and all i said was "someone get that girl a mood ring"
cause when it's black (it) means watch your back because you're probably
the last person in the world right now she wants to see
and when it's blue it means that you should call her up immediately
and ask her out because she'll most likely agree
and when it's green it simply means that she is really stressed
and when it's clear it means she's completely emotionless (and that's all right i must confess)
we all know the girls that i am talking about
she liked you wednesday but now it's friday and she has to wash her hair
and it just figures that we'll never figure them out
first she's jekyll and then she's hyde....at least she makes a lovely pair
mood ring oh mood ring
oh tell me will you bring
the key to unlock this mystery
of girls and their emotions
play it back in slow motion
so i may understand the complex infrastructure known as the female mind
So ISU nearly freaked me out today. I was checking my Award Information online to see where things were going to see that the amount I was getting from my Federal Stafford loan was less than half what they told me I was getting. Needless to say, I was pissed. I called the one competent counselor there to see what the hell was going on. He told me that he forgot to tell me that they had to wait on admissions to confirm that I was a full time student before they could officially approve me for that much, and since admissions takes so long to get back to them, he went ahead and approved me for the most he could for part-time and then I would get the rest once admissions cooperates. This way, I would at least get some of it soon since I have bills to pay. So instead of ISU screwing me over, like they had done so many times before, he was making it better for me, since they had lost my stafford loan paperwork anyway, he wanted to make it up to me. I am so glad I found this counselor. Someone that will work with you. I am no longer dealing with the ISU Financial Aid office as a whole, but going directly to this guy.
So it is now officially my dad's birthday. Happy Birthday Dad, and I will call you tonight. When is best to call?
Kinda tired and too confused to talk about much of anything else besides the enchiladas and tortilla soup was awesome. Now I will leave you with the most appropriate Relient K.
we all know the girls that i am talking about
well they are time bombs and they are ticking
and the only question's when they'll blow up
and they'll blow up; we know that without a doubt
cause they're those girls, yeah you know those girls that let their emotions get the best of them
and i've contrived some sort of a plan to help my fellow man
let's get emotional girls to all wear mood rings
so we'll be tipped off to when they're ticked off
cause we'll know just what they're thinking
cause what they're thinking...
she's so pretty but she but doesn't always act that way
her mood's out swinging on the swing set almost every day
she said to me that she's so happy it's depressing
and all i said was "someone get that girl a mood ring"
if it's drama you want then look no further
they're like the real world meets boy meets world meets days of our lives
and it just kills me how they get away with murder
they'll anger you then bat their eyes; those pretty eyes that watch you sympathize
and i've contrived some sort of a plan to help my fellow man
let's get emotional girls to all wear mood rings
so we'll be tipped off to when they're ticked off
cause we'll know just what they're thinking
cause what they're thinking...
she's so pretty but she but doesn't always act that way
her mood's out swinging on the swing set almost every day
she said to me that she's so stressed out that it's soothing
and all i said was "someone get that girl a mood ring"
cause when it's black (it) means watch your back because you're probably
the last person in the world right now she wants to see
and when it's blue it means that you should call her up immediately
and ask her out because she'll most likely agree
and when it's green it simply means that she is really stressed
and when it's clear it means she's completely emotionless (and that's all right i must confess)
we all know the girls that i am talking about
she liked you wednesday but now it's friday and she has to wash her hair
and it just figures that we'll never figure them out
first she's jekyll and then she's hyde....at least she makes a lovely pair
mood ring oh mood ring
oh tell me will you bring
the key to unlock this mystery
of girls and their emotions
play it back in slow motion
so i may understand the complex infrastructure known as the female mind
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Attention on a Monday Night
QOTD: "Well, [midgets] are God's little punch lines." ~Cleveland (Family Guy)
Kind of annoyed right now. I thought things were getting better, and then this happens. I don't understand it. Grrrrrrrrrrr. You know who you are, we need to talk.
So today I woke up and my foot is a little more swollen than before and the toe next to my big toe is starting bruise. So I put up my foot all day except to go to class. That will drive me nuts. I hate being stuck in one place for so long. If I am ever bed ridden, I may go nuts. I really don't want to have to go to a hospital for this, but if it doesn't start at least looking better soon, I may have to. If you have ever broken a toe, feel free to leave advice.
Is it sad that I get excited when my classes have homework? I'm used to at least a couple good sized homework assignments a week, per class. It's kind of a relief, but rather weird too.
Contact is such a good movie. There are so many political things hiding inside the plot. I was talking to Nick the other day and he brought up something that I found rather interesting. You can tell a lot about a person by what they think the writer is trying to get across with it. What does this movie mean to you?
Not much more. I leave you with some more The Academy Is...
Attention! Attention!
May I have all your eyes and ears to the front of the room,
if only, if only for one second.
This table has taken a turn for the worst.
Rock bottom and over the edge
well it's not like it hurts that much anyway.
Upside down and inside out.
When I leave here I'm going alone.
Well it's not like, it not like it hurts much anyway.
Attention! Attention!
May I have all your eyes and ears to the front of the room,
if only, if only for one second.
Will you hear what I have to say?
Oh, did I mention when I see you it stings like hell?
To the fact that we could have something that'll never happen.
Will you hear what I have to?
This balance has weighed out our heart's desire.
I'm trying to make it alone.
Well it's not like it hurts that much anyway.
Upside down and inside out.
When I leave here I'm going alone.
But I'm dying, I'm dying to touch.
And it's not like, it not like it hurts much anyway.
Kind of annoyed right now. I thought things were getting better, and then this happens. I don't understand it. Grrrrrrrrrrr. You know who you are, we need to talk.
So today I woke up and my foot is a little more swollen than before and the toe next to my big toe is starting bruise. So I put up my foot all day except to go to class. That will drive me nuts. I hate being stuck in one place for so long. If I am ever bed ridden, I may go nuts. I really don't want to have to go to a hospital for this, but if it doesn't start at least looking better soon, I may have to. If you have ever broken a toe, feel free to leave advice.
Is it sad that I get excited when my classes have homework? I'm used to at least a couple good sized homework assignments a week, per class. It's kind of a relief, but rather weird too.
Contact is such a good movie. There are so many political things hiding inside the plot. I was talking to Nick the other day and he brought up something that I found rather interesting. You can tell a lot about a person by what they think the writer is trying to get across with it. What does this movie mean to you?
Not much more. I leave you with some more The Academy Is...
Attention! Attention!
May I have all your eyes and ears to the front of the room,
if only, if only for one second.
This table has taken a turn for the worst.
Rock bottom and over the edge
well it's not like it hurts that much anyway.
Upside down and inside out.
When I leave here I'm going alone.
Well it's not like, it not like it hurts much anyway.
Attention! Attention!
May I have all your eyes and ears to the front of the room,
if only, if only for one second.
Will you hear what I have to say?
Oh, did I mention when I see you it stings like hell?
To the fact that we could have something that'll never happen.
Will you hear what I have to?
This balance has weighed out our heart's desire.
I'm trying to make it alone.
Well it's not like it hurts that much anyway.
Upside down and inside out.
When I leave here I'm going alone.
But I'm dying, I'm dying to touch.
And it's not like, it not like it hurts much anyway.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
The Phrase That Pays on a Sunday Night
Nick is right, The Academy Is... really just grows on you. Really enjoying the Almost here CD. Good stuff.
Yup, it's definately broken. So on Saturday afternoon, after hanging out at Pike for a while, not planning to go on the water slide, I am finally convinced to go down it. Second run, I catch my pinky toe on something and roll my foot, breaking my toe. Yeah smart move, I know.
I made Chicken Piccata today. Turns out its not as easy to make as my mother makes it seem. So kudos to my mother for being able to pull it off so well. One of these days I'll perfect it.
Sometimes I feel like I'm being used and they know I can't say no. I'm just too nice of a person. And how can you turn down these people, honestly?
I wish I was a guitar star. I love to play it, but I suck so much when I try to play anything remotely hard that I want to quit shortly after playing. I always feel like my housemates are going, "Dear Lord, he cannot play worth anything, would he just shut up?" I don't know when I became self conscious, but I am when playing guitar.
The only thing worse than breaking your toe, is everyone feeling sorry for you. Understand my pain and inability to walk well right now, but don't feel sorry for me, it just annoys me.
My little brother, Danny has finally gotten on Facebook, and all I can say is it's about time. It looks like he's enjoying it anyway, as it was meant to be. I was thinking about calling him today, but I'm always leary about calling him. He's at the Air Force Academy which at times, makes Rose look like a slacker school, so I don't want to take time away from him that he needs.
Mmmmmmmmmmmm, Wendy's. I love their chicken nuggets. And frosties. Bliss.
Nick finds new mathematical article and we all get excited. We are such tools...
Love ya, Katie.
No, Dad, Katie Hagerty.
Rome:Total War is an amazing game. I wish I had come across it before Danny left for the Academy as I know he would have loved that game. Some of the scenes are simply cinematic. Sometimes I can just sit and watch Mahoney play it and have fun.
Aaron is coming for our Snobs and Hobos party. I am excited about that. I haven't seen the guy in years, it'll be good to see him again. I understand a lot of what he is going through right now, as I went through it not too long ago. Speaking of which, I really hope I get my letters and hat back soon. It's getting cool out and I could use my hoodie back.
So I haven't done the whole points thing in a long time, So here are some long over due points. First of all, 85 points to Maggie and Killer for wanting to cook us food and coming over to the house a lot. It is so much fun to have the two of you over. 25 points to everyone who placed their votes this week in the Fantasy Football league. 20 points to everyone who has RSVPed to our party, and another 40 waiting when you get here. 30 point to Katie for a nice phone call, and 24 points to Steph for some fun pictures. 15 points to Wendy's for chicken nuggets and frosties, but -20 for being rude and closing early, before Maggie got there. 30 points a piece to all who came to B-town with us, for a good time. 15 points to Mother Bear's pizza, for the obvious reasons. 20 points to ISU for making me feel smart again, but -230 points to the ISU Financial Aid office for being comepletely retarded and not knowing anything and making things as difficult as possible and losing paperwork. And another 75 points to anone who leaves a comment that makes me smile (bonus points for creativity, i.e. not simply Cardinals rock, but that does make me smile).
Now here is some The Academy Is... to sink your teeth into. These lyrics has really rung true for me lately. As cliche as it may be, we really need to live life as if it's your last day here on earth. So live life with no regrets and rock out to some TAI.
My eyes can't believe what they have seen.
In the corner of your room you've stockpiled millions of my memories.
Oh Doctor, Doctor, I must have gotten this sick somehow.
I'm going to ask you a series of questions,
And I want them answered on the spot, right now.
Is it serious?
I'm afraid it is.
Am I gonna die?
Well son, death is gonna catch up to all one day,
But yours is coming quicker than ours, than ours.
Some things I may have taken for granted again and again,
well here's what was said then
Hold your head high heavy heart.
So take a chance and make it big,
Cause it’s the last you’ll ever get.
If we don’t take it, when will we make it?
I make plans to break plans,
And I’ve been planning something big, planning something big, planning.
I’ve never tried to make the best of my time,
When I thought that I had plenty of it.
Is this serious?
I don’t know what to think.
Is it all a lie?
Well one thing is for sure
I'm taken back to the glory days
When we were kids without a brash or bitter thing to say.
Now my life is one big make it, or break it.
Hold your head high heavy heart
Save your strength for the morning after.
So take a chance and make it big,
Cause it’s the last you’ll ever get.
If we don’t take it, when will we make it?
I make plans to break plans,
And I’ve been planning something big, planning something big
So take a chance and make it big,
Cause it’s the last you’ll ever get.
If we don’t take it, when will we make it?
I make plans to break plans,
And I’ve been planning something big, planning something big, planning.
Yup, it's definately broken. So on Saturday afternoon, after hanging out at Pike for a while, not planning to go on the water slide, I am finally convinced to go down it. Second run, I catch my pinky toe on something and roll my foot, breaking my toe. Yeah smart move, I know.
I made Chicken Piccata today. Turns out its not as easy to make as my mother makes it seem. So kudos to my mother for being able to pull it off so well. One of these days I'll perfect it.
Sometimes I feel like I'm being used and they know I can't say no. I'm just too nice of a person. And how can you turn down these people, honestly?
I wish I was a guitar star. I love to play it, but I suck so much when I try to play anything remotely hard that I want to quit shortly after playing. I always feel like my housemates are going, "Dear Lord, he cannot play worth anything, would he just shut up?" I don't know when I became self conscious, but I am when playing guitar.
The only thing worse than breaking your toe, is everyone feeling sorry for you. Understand my pain and inability to walk well right now, but don't feel sorry for me, it just annoys me.
My little brother, Danny has finally gotten on Facebook, and all I can say is it's about time. It looks like he's enjoying it anyway, as it was meant to be. I was thinking about calling him today, but I'm always leary about calling him. He's at the Air Force Academy which at times, makes Rose look like a slacker school, so I don't want to take time away from him that he needs.
Mmmmmmmmmmmm, Wendy's. I love their chicken nuggets. And frosties. Bliss.
Nick finds new mathematical article and we all get excited. We are such tools...
Love ya, Katie.
No, Dad, Katie Hagerty.
Rome:Total War is an amazing game. I wish I had come across it before Danny left for the Academy as I know he would have loved that game. Some of the scenes are simply cinematic. Sometimes I can just sit and watch Mahoney play it and have fun.
Aaron is coming for our Snobs and Hobos party. I am excited about that. I haven't seen the guy in years, it'll be good to see him again. I understand a lot of what he is going through right now, as I went through it not too long ago. Speaking of which, I really hope I get my letters and hat back soon. It's getting cool out and I could use my hoodie back.
So I haven't done the whole points thing in a long time, So here are some long over due points. First of all, 85 points to Maggie and Killer for wanting to cook us food and coming over to the house a lot. It is so much fun to have the two of you over. 25 points to everyone who placed their votes this week in the Fantasy Football league. 20 points to everyone who has RSVPed to our party, and another 40 waiting when you get here. 30 point to Katie for a nice phone call, and 24 points to Steph for some fun pictures. 15 points to Wendy's for chicken nuggets and frosties, but -20 for being rude and closing early, before Maggie got there. 30 points a piece to all who came to B-town with us, for a good time. 15 points to Mother Bear's pizza, for the obvious reasons. 20 points to ISU for making me feel smart again, but -230 points to the ISU Financial Aid office for being comepletely retarded and not knowing anything and making things as difficult as possible and losing paperwork. And another 75 points to anone who leaves a comment that makes me smile (bonus points for creativity, i.e. not simply Cardinals rock, but that does make me smile).
Now here is some The Academy Is... to sink your teeth into. These lyrics has really rung true for me lately. As cliche as it may be, we really need to live life as if it's your last day here on earth. So live life with no regrets and rock out to some TAI.
My eyes can't believe what they have seen.
In the corner of your room you've stockpiled millions of my memories.
Oh Doctor, Doctor, I must have gotten this sick somehow.
I'm going to ask you a series of questions,
And I want them answered on the spot, right now.
Is it serious?
I'm afraid it is.
Am I gonna die?
Well son, death is gonna catch up to all one day,
But yours is coming quicker than ours, than ours.
Some things I may have taken for granted again and again,
well here's what was said then
Hold your head high heavy heart.
So take a chance and make it big,
Cause it’s the last you’ll ever get.
If we don’t take it, when will we make it?
I make plans to break plans,
And I’ve been planning something big, planning something big, planning.
I’ve never tried to make the best of my time,
When I thought that I had plenty of it.
Is this serious?
I don’t know what to think.
Is it all a lie?
Well one thing is for sure
I'm taken back to the glory days
When we were kids without a brash or bitter thing to say.
Now my life is one big make it, or break it.
Hold your head high heavy heart
Save your strength for the morning after.
So take a chance and make it big,
Cause it’s the last you’ll ever get.
If we don’t take it, when will we make it?
I make plans to break plans,
And I’ve been planning something big, planning something big
So take a chance and make it big,
Cause it’s the last you’ll ever get.
If we don’t take it, when will we make it?
I make plans to break plans,
And I’ve been planning something big, planning something big, planning.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Seaon on a Wednesday Night
Ever just want to slap some one really hard? Ever go into a battle of wits with an unarmed person? Ever just wonder, "WTF, mate?" If you never have, and would like to, read this.
Wow.
Adam says funny and creepy things in his sleep...
Still confused...damn.
You never realize how OCD you are, until you have a house and you have a place for things, but people don't follow them, as if they should know.
Mike watches some of the weirdest flash videos...
Notice the moving of some people to the TSAV Groupies Category in my Links. If you would like be considered a TSAV Groupie as well, let me know and I'll move ya. If you think you were wrongly moved, I'll move ya back.
Not much else to write today.
Been in a The Academy Is... modd alot lately. Good band, but I'm only hooked on a couple of songs so far. Hmmmmm. Well enjoy some TAI.
Wake up, think fast, three weeks have passed.
We are changing. No sleep, no gas, no excuses will pass these lips
Cause we're shapin' up to be all you wish you could have been
To write the hits and to turn their heads
And to open eyes (open your eyes) to a brand new season,
A brand new season.
So show me something we haven't heard yet,
But I'm not convinced and your heartless songs won't stick.
But I, I'll sing you something you won't forget
For the first time I know this is now who I am.
Wake up, think fast, three weeks have passed these lips
Cause we're shapin' up to be all you wish you could have been
To write the hits and to turn heads (to turn heads, to turn heads)
And to open eyes (open your eyes) to a brand new season,
A brand new season.
So show me something we haven't heard yet,
But I'm not convinced and your heartless songs won't stick.
But I, I'll sing you something you won't forget
For the first time I know this is now who I am.
You'll see what we mean,
You'll notice when we're gone.
So show me something we haven't heard yet,
But I'm not convinced and your heartless songs won't stick.
But I, I'll sing you something you won't forget
For the first time I know this is now who I am.
Wow.
Adam says funny and creepy things in his sleep...
Still confused...damn.
You never realize how OCD you are, until you have a house and you have a place for things, but people don't follow them, as if they should know.
Mike watches some of the weirdest flash videos...
Notice the moving of some people to the TSAV Groupies Category in my Links. If you would like be considered a TSAV Groupie as well, let me know and I'll move ya. If you think you were wrongly moved, I'll move ya back.
Not much else to write today.
Been in a The Academy Is... modd alot lately. Good band, but I'm only hooked on a couple of songs so far. Hmmmmm. Well enjoy some TAI.
Wake up, think fast, three weeks have passed.
We are changing. No sleep, no gas, no excuses will pass these lips
Cause we're shapin' up to be all you wish you could have been
To write the hits and to turn their heads
And to open eyes (open your eyes) to a brand new season,
A brand new season.
So show me something we haven't heard yet,
But I'm not convinced and your heartless songs won't stick.
But I, I'll sing you something you won't forget
For the first time I know this is now who I am.
Wake up, think fast, three weeks have passed these lips
Cause we're shapin' up to be all you wish you could have been
To write the hits and to turn heads (to turn heads, to turn heads)
And to open eyes (open your eyes) to a brand new season,
A brand new season.
So show me something we haven't heard yet,
But I'm not convinced and your heartless songs won't stick.
But I, I'll sing you something you won't forget
For the first time I know this is now who I am.
You'll see what we mean,
You'll notice when we're gone.
So show me something we haven't heard yet,
But I'm not convinced and your heartless songs won't stick.
But I, I'll sing you something you won't forget
For the first time I know this is now who I am.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Something Beautiful on a Sunday Night
The irony of the title....
Hmmmmm, not sure what to say. I know I need to talk to a couple people about something completely unrelated. But I'm not sure what to say to either. I want to talk. I really do. I hate things being so frickin' confusing and being completely in the dark. I am so afraid of betraying friendships. Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
If you think you are one of these two people, come talk to me. We'll have a good talk. We should have talked before, but it's tough.
You know what grinds my gears? Grudges. Maybe it's because I am a guy, but I can never hold grudges. Maybe it's that I am naive and like to think people can change and try to see the good in anybody. Now I'm not saying I am never pissed at someone, but after a while, I get over it.
I was actually told tonight that if I told someone something that wouldn't be a big deal to anyone but this person, that this person would never talk to me again, all of her life and would be completely erased from her life. Makes me wonder how much my friendship really matters to her. That she would throw everything away for one thing. Forever. Not that I was ever planning on it. But to know that she would do that is kind of heart breaking.
On a happier note, I'm getting rather excited about the possibility of bringing a new form of theatre to Rose. I think it could be a huge hit, at least with our Drama Club, as it is so much fun to be a part of. I hope this excitement rubs off on others. But this 24 hour play festival makes me feel a lot better about not being able to do much theatre at Rose any more. I think I am really gonna miss being in those full length plays, but this....this is my baby. This is how I am leaving my mark on RDC. Introducing it somethng that I have loved and been a part of. I have already introduced a couple of friends to it, hopefully I can bring it to RDC as well.
Wow, today was the 4th anniversary of 9/11. And to think tht was my ex-girlfriend's 16th birthday. Which reminds me, she turned 20 today. Happy Birthday Jackie.
Ever wonder waht happened to people you used to be so closed to, but haven't kept in touch?
Nick was right, TAI is pretty good. He knows my taste in music pretty well, so I trust his recommendations.
Well time for bed, but I will leave you with some good ole Jars of Clay. Such an amazing band. Enjoy.
f you put your arms around me
Could it change the way I feel
I guess I let myself believe
That the outside might just
Bleed it's way in
Maybe stir the sleeping past
Lying under glass
Waiting for the kiss
That breaks this awful spell
Pull me out...of this lonely cell
Close my eyes and hold my heart
Cover me and make me something
Change this something normal
Into something beautiful
What I get from my reflection
Isn't what I thought I'd see
Give me reason to believe
Never leave me incomplete
Will you untie this loss of mine
It so easily defines me
Do you see it on my face?
And all I can think about
Is how long
I've been waiting to feel you move me
And I'm still fighting for the
Word to break these chains
And I still pray when I look
In your eyes, you'll stare right
Back down into something beautiful
Hmmmmm, not sure what to say. I know I need to talk to a couple people about something completely unrelated. But I'm not sure what to say to either. I want to talk. I really do. I hate things being so frickin' confusing and being completely in the dark. I am so afraid of betraying friendships. Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
If you think you are one of these two people, come talk to me. We'll have a good talk. We should have talked before, but it's tough.
You know what grinds my gears? Grudges. Maybe it's because I am a guy, but I can never hold grudges. Maybe it's that I am naive and like to think people can change and try to see the good in anybody. Now I'm not saying I am never pissed at someone, but after a while, I get over it.
I was actually told tonight that if I told someone something that wouldn't be a big deal to anyone but this person, that this person would never talk to me again, all of her life and would be completely erased from her life. Makes me wonder how much my friendship really matters to her. That she would throw everything away for one thing. Forever. Not that I was ever planning on it. But to know that she would do that is kind of heart breaking.
On a happier note, I'm getting rather excited about the possibility of bringing a new form of theatre to Rose. I think it could be a huge hit, at least with our Drama Club, as it is so much fun to be a part of. I hope this excitement rubs off on others. But this 24 hour play festival makes me feel a lot better about not being able to do much theatre at Rose any more. I think I am really gonna miss being in those full length plays, but this....this is my baby. This is how I am leaving my mark on RDC. Introducing it somethng that I have loved and been a part of. I have already introduced a couple of friends to it, hopefully I can bring it to RDC as well.
Wow, today was the 4th anniversary of 9/11. And to think tht was my ex-girlfriend's 16th birthday. Which reminds me, she turned 20 today. Happy Birthday Jackie.
Ever wonder waht happened to people you used to be so closed to, but haven't kept in touch?
Nick was right, TAI is pretty good. He knows my taste in music pretty well, so I trust his recommendations.
Well time for bed, but I will leave you with some good ole Jars of Clay. Such an amazing band. Enjoy.
f you put your arms around me
Could it change the way I feel
I guess I let myself believe
That the outside might just
Bleed it's way in
Maybe stir the sleeping past
Lying under glass
Waiting for the kiss
That breaks this awful spell
Pull me out...of this lonely cell
Close my eyes and hold my heart
Cover me and make me something
Change this something normal
Into something beautiful
What I get from my reflection
Isn't what I thought I'd see
Give me reason to believe
Never leave me incomplete
Will you untie this loss of mine
It so easily defines me
Do you see it on my face?
And all I can think about
Is how long
I've been waiting to feel you move me
And I'm still fighting for the
Word to break these chains
And I still pray when I look
In your eyes, you'll stare right
Back down into something beautiful
Saturday, September 10, 2005
God Can You Hear Me on a Friday Night
Ever been lonely in a packed room?
Ever felt like everyone was talking about you as if you weren't there?
Ever just be cofused by your entire situation in life and just be at a loss of what to make of things?
Maybe I shouldn't blog when I'm in these kinds of moods, but I just feel like I need to get this out. I wasn't sure what I wanted, but it's hard to make light of the situation when you don't know how other people feel about it as well. Grrrrrrrrr.
So freaking confused right now. I think a nice walk will do me some good. If you want to talk, give me a call, but keep in mind I will probably be working all of tomorrow. In the meantime, check out some good ole classic Tait. Rock on.
I've been here before
It's hard to ignore
I'm so used to fighting
The same old wars
Oh what do you see when your looking at me
Have I taken You for granted
I can't afford this pain anymore
Won't You help me understand it
God can You hear me
I need You here tonight
I'm tired of pretending that everything's alright
And I know, I know that You hold tomorrow
But I need You here tonight
I want to feel
I need something real
I want to go closer to You
I lay down my will
Oh this human disease it's killing me
Tell me have I been left stranded
I can't ignore this pain anymore
Won't You help me understand it
Say won't You say that
You'll carry me
Carry me through the storm
Stay
Won't You stay
Till the morning comes
Morning comes
Just stay
Ever felt like everyone was talking about you as if you weren't there?
Ever just be cofused by your entire situation in life and just be at a loss of what to make of things?
Maybe I shouldn't blog when I'm in these kinds of moods, but I just feel like I need to get this out. I wasn't sure what I wanted, but it's hard to make light of the situation when you don't know how other people feel about it as well. Grrrrrrrrr.
So freaking confused right now. I think a nice walk will do me some good. If you want to talk, give me a call, but keep in mind I will probably be working all of tomorrow. In the meantime, check out some good ole classic Tait. Rock on.
I've been here before
It's hard to ignore
I'm so used to fighting
The same old wars
Oh what do you see when your looking at me
Have I taken You for granted
I can't afford this pain anymore
Won't You help me understand it
God can You hear me
I need You here tonight
I'm tired of pretending that everything's alright
And I know, I know that You hold tomorrow
But I need You here tonight
I want to feel
I need something real
I want to go closer to You
I lay down my will
Oh this human disease it's killing me
Tell me have I been left stranded
I can't ignore this pain anymore
Won't You help me understand it
Say won't You say that
You'll carry me
Carry me through the storm
Stay
Won't You stay
Till the morning comes
Morning comes
Just stay
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Drive on a Thursday Night
So my head is just simply spinning. These last couple of days have just got me confused and as soon as I think I have something figured out, something else is thrown into the equation. And in more areas than one, too. It feels like life is one big Con Apps problem, one of the mean ones too.
I feel like I am being shut out of some of my favorite parts of life, and by some of my closest friends too. It's starting to piss me off. I know they don't mean for it to happen like that, but I feel like I am just being pushed out.
I got to see West Side Story tongiht for the very first time. It is pretty good, and you only need two good singers. It may not be written for a bass, but it has some leads that aren't tenors, or at least need to be. I wish someone would write a musical where the lead character is a bass or at least a baritone. Those of us who can't sing tenor get jipped too much. That's why I like regular plays so much better. I can act a lot better than I can sing, at least songs from most musicals, as most of them are out of my range.
I finally have an adapter for the new keyboard I bought so that I can use it with my laptop, but the LEDs are broken. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.
This is gonna be a long weekend, but I will be paid well for it. The Volleyball Invitational should be interesting. I'll be writing my first story for the Sports Inforamtion department. We'll see how that goes.
Well I should get some sleep. But I will leave you with some Incubus to rock out to.
Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear
Take the wheel and steer
It's driven me before
And it seems to have a vague, aunting mass appeal
But lately I am beginning to find that I
Should be the one behind the wheel
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes
So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive?
It's driven me before
And it seems to be the way that everyone else gets around
But lately I'm beginning to find that
When I drive myself my light is found
So whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes
Would you kill the Queen to crush the hive?
Would you choose water over wine
Hold the wheel and drive?
I feel like I am being shut out of some of my favorite parts of life, and by some of my closest friends too. It's starting to piss me off. I know they don't mean for it to happen like that, but I feel like I am just being pushed out.
I got to see West Side Story tongiht for the very first time. It is pretty good, and you only need two good singers. It may not be written for a bass, but it has some leads that aren't tenors, or at least need to be. I wish someone would write a musical where the lead character is a bass or at least a baritone. Those of us who can't sing tenor get jipped too much. That's why I like regular plays so much better. I can act a lot better than I can sing, at least songs from most musicals, as most of them are out of my range.
I finally have an adapter for the new keyboard I bought so that I can use it with my laptop, but the LEDs are broken. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.
This is gonna be a long weekend, but I will be paid well for it. The Volleyball Invitational should be interesting. I'll be writing my first story for the Sports Inforamtion department. We'll see how that goes.
Well I should get some sleep. But I will leave you with some Incubus to rock out to.
Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear
Take the wheel and steer
It's driven me before
And it seems to have a vague, aunting mass appeal
But lately I am beginning to find that I
Should be the one behind the wheel
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes
So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive?
It's driven me before
And it seems to be the way that everyone else gets around
But lately I'm beginning to find that
When I drive myself my light is found
So whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes
Would you kill the Queen to crush the hive?
Would you choose water over wine
Hold the wheel and drive?
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More "Touch Me" on a Wednesday Night
You know what grinds my gears? Cubs fans. They look so much at the little picture, because the big picture really sucks for them. They may have won their first series in Busch Stadium in ten years, but they are still nearly 20 games behind with a losing record, and very little chance to make the playoffs. But they still seem to think the Cubs are better than the League Leading in nearly everything Cardinals who currently have the best record in baseball and are well on their way to another World Series.
You know what else grinds my gears? When a close friend talks about something, but then states that it is something that you don't get to know, as in you don't get that privilege to, but turns to a friend of yours and tells them they already know, as they told them earlier. That just pisses me off and makes me feel like I am obviously not as high on their level of respect. Well to me, respect is everything, so for someone to not respect me like that really gets to me. I don't "get to know", like I'm not good enough. It's very condescending.
I had something else I wanted to talk about earlier, but it jsut doesn't seem apropriate right now. Maybe I'll rant about it later.
I'm at a good point in my life right now. I'm kosher with not dating right now. Just play things by ear. Not looking for anything, and its a kind of nice feeling.
A Fall Out Boy and Lemony Snicket mix right now. Interesting.
I love this new desk. Such a better and more productive feel to it.
I'm rather enjoying my Abstract Math class as well. Writing proofs are kinda fun, in that math nerd way. But it's problem solving. Using any math you know to get from point A to point B. There are some steps you can take, but they are more like guidelines. I love it. About time I have a class I can get excited about.
So I haven't updated in a while, it's quality not quantity. So take that.
Not much more to write about. Here is a song stuck in my head and rings true often. Enjoy.
I confess, I'm just messed up
dropping "I'm sorry" like you're still around
And I know you dressed up
said "hey kid you'll never live this down"
And you're just the girl all the boys want to dance with
And I'm just the boy who's had too many chances
I'm sleeping on your folk's porch again, dreaming
She said, she said, she said, "Why don't you just drop dead?"
I don't blame you for being you
But you can't blame me for hating it
So say, what are you waiting for?
Kiss her, kiss her
I set my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late
Write me off, give up on me
Cause darling, what did you expect
I'm just off a lost cause
a long shot, don't even take this bet
You can make all the moves, you can aim all the spotlights
Get all the sighs and the moans just right
I'm sleeping on your folk's porch again, dreaming
She said, she said, she said, "Why don't you just drop dead?"
I don't blame you for being you
But you can't blame me for hating it
So say, what are you waiting for?
Kiss her, kiss her
I set my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late
You said you'd keep me honest
But I won't call you on it
You know what else grinds my gears? When a close friend talks about something, but then states that it is something that you don't get to know, as in you don't get that privilege to, but turns to a friend of yours and tells them they already know, as they told them earlier. That just pisses me off and makes me feel like I am obviously not as high on their level of respect. Well to me, respect is everything, so for someone to not respect me like that really gets to me. I don't "get to know", like I'm not good enough. It's very condescending.
I had something else I wanted to talk about earlier, but it jsut doesn't seem apropriate right now. Maybe I'll rant about it later.
I'm at a good point in my life right now. I'm kosher with not dating right now. Just play things by ear. Not looking for anything, and its a kind of nice feeling.
A Fall Out Boy and Lemony Snicket mix right now. Interesting.
I love this new desk. Such a better and more productive feel to it.
I'm rather enjoying my Abstract Math class as well. Writing proofs are kinda fun, in that math nerd way. But it's problem solving. Using any math you know to get from point A to point B. There are some steps you can take, but they are more like guidelines. I love it. About time I have a class I can get excited about.
So I haven't updated in a while, it's quality not quantity. So take that.
Not much more to write about. Here is a song stuck in my head and rings true often. Enjoy.
I confess, I'm just messed up
dropping "I'm sorry" like you're still around
And I know you dressed up
said "hey kid you'll never live this down"
And you're just the girl all the boys want to dance with
And I'm just the boy who's had too many chances
I'm sleeping on your folk's porch again, dreaming
She said, she said, she said, "Why don't you just drop dead?"
I don't blame you for being you
But you can't blame me for hating it
So say, what are you waiting for?
Kiss her, kiss her
I set my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late
Write me off, give up on me
Cause darling, what did you expect
I'm just off a lost cause
a long shot, don't even take this bet
You can make all the moves, you can aim all the spotlights
Get all the sighs and the moans just right
I'm sleeping on your folk's porch again, dreaming
She said, she said, she said, "Why don't you just drop dead?"
I don't blame you for being you
But you can't blame me for hating it
So say, what are you waiting for?
Kiss her, kiss her
I set my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late
You said you'd keep me honest
But I won't call you on it
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