Strength Of My Life on a Monday Night

P.O.D. rocks my world. Their new CD is better than any of their other CDs. I would say they leave the old ones in the dust. Love it.

So I get to my facebook profile and all my friends are gone. Where it once listed my friends at Rose-Hulman was simply a message: "You have no friends at Rose-Hulman." Ouch, facebook. Ouch. That burns close. Now what if I was someone with self esteem problems (which God know I am not)? That could be very painful to see. Crazy facebook...

I'm in a pretty good mood tonight. I like good moods.

Maurizio's pizza is the nectar of heaven. Well, maybe not quite, but it is quite the tastiness. Any one in the Haute that has not had it yet, you must go now. It's alright, this blog post will still be up when you get back, so get going. You'll thank me later.

So the winner of the first ex to be engaged award goes to Kristen. I must say, it feels kinda weird. I mean, I am really happy for her and it sounds like the guy she is engaged to is very much perfect for her and I'm glad she found someone that makes her so happy, but it is just weird to think that someone I dated is now getting married. I'm not sure why, it just is. But congratulations, Kristen and I wish you and your future husband nothing but the best.

So my Acting professor pulled me aside today to let me know that she was going harder on me than the others because she sees a lot of potential in me. Normally, since this is beginning acting for non-theatre majors, she would completely settle for the minimum, but she is pushing me. Pushing me to grow immensely as an actor over the course of this semester. She sees me as a potential cast member in a future ISU show and since I am not a theatre major, this is her only chance to really work with me before auditioning for a show and such. So she pushes me and pushes me and shes harder on me than others, not because she hates me as she was afraid I would think, but more of the opposite. And quite frankly I am glad to have someone to push me like that. I think I have been growing as an actor a lot over even the past year or so and I love it.

Well I will leave you with some POD to rock out to. Peace.

Yo! Eternal rhythms in your system so clear.
No negative take your isms stay cleared
We keep it lovely, give you want you want hear (no you won't hear)
And Matisyahu in the house, stand clear.
P.O.D. in the house, stand clear.
If Jah is for me, tell me whom I gon' fear? (no I won't fear)
And Jah of Jacob, deserving of my love
And God of Isaac, bring blessings from above
Hashem of Abraham will show me the way
I go down on my knees and this is what I pray.

Strength Of My Life, whom shall I dread?
When them evildoers approach to devour my flesh.
Even if there would be an army against me,
My heart would not fear.

Steer clear from weird vibes.
Chuck a spear these evil guys must realize,
Even if there would rise a war against me.
In this I trust, it's a must.
Elevated is my head, above my enemy.
Surround me with the song of glory
(Yeah, Song of glory, Yeah, ohhh)

Take away the scales from my eyes
Anoint your love upon my life
Have mercy on my soul and hear me when I cry
Do not abandon me, and don't forsake me
Lead me on the path of integrity

Even if there would be an army against me,
My heart would not fear.
Strength Of My Life, whom shall I dread?
When them evildoers approach to devour my flesh.

Back them up against the wall, stumble and fall then battle y'all
And stand tall, show me favor when I call Oh-oh
Back them against the wall, stumble and them fall
Battle y'all and stand call, show me favor when I call
Oh-oh-oh, yo, Matisyahu, P.O.D.
Eternally, with his majesty
Dwelling in the songs of glory
Dwelling with the song of glory


End of Blog Breakdown:
Hero: POD
Villain: I actually cannot think of one.
Quote: "It's like disarming Germany." ~"Snaps" Provolone in Oscar
Mood: good

Open Up the Sky on a Friday Night

So many thoughts flowing in my head, and not enough room to write them.

When will you get this through your head, you are not the victim.

As predictable as you are, you still seem to amaze me.

Wow, this is sounding like a Rabbi style blog post.

First of all, Gage, you are the man and one of the funniest people at IHOP in the world. I can't wait to see those pictures. Smasher, you always crack me up. Should be fun tomorrow. And last but never least, Rabbi, congrats on making it to 21. Karaoke tonight should be a blast. And therefore, 75 points to each of you.

I love doing points.

So I found some random CD in my CD case and threw it in my car CD player. The first track was pretty rocking but I faintly recognized one of the voices and then it hit me, that was 4Him. Now how a 4Him CD got in my case, I have no idea so I started to explore the CD further. But the next song kinda sounded like Audio Adrenaline, and I realized this was a completely random mix of christian music, stuff that I hadn't listened to much in a while. And I really started rocking out to it. I really miss a lot of that music. So I am getting it back. I am getting more uplifting music I can rock out to.

[Warning: Beginning of rant]

You know what grinds my gears? People that get so shut off when they hear the term christian music. And people who are simply amazed when they hear a band that they like and then find out its a christian band. Guess what, chistian artists are very talented musicians too. They have great music, their lyrics are just a little better. And guess what these lyrics deal with some pretty deep stuff too. Well, Bob, there is some pretty bad christian bands. Of course there are. How many truly horrible secular bands have you come across recently, even ones that are popular. C'mon folks.

Another thing that drives me nuts is the assumption that because I am a Christian and like qite a few christian abnds that I will like a band simply because it is a christian band. I will respect them more as playing music from your heart and taking the risk of so many peopel not even willing to consider your music just because of the fact that its christian music, but I will not like their music blindly like that. I still like good music.

[Stepping off soap box]

Well, time for bed, but enjoy some rocking FFH. Peace out.

've had my share of heartache.
I've felt the sting of pain
From standing out in the desert
Praying for rain.
I've seen my lonely teardrops
Fall down my lonely face.
Oh, how I long to hear the
Thunder roll again.

And I want to be
Swept away in Thee.
Only You know what I need.

So, open up the sky, rain down Your love.
I don't care if I never get enough.
I just want to be caught in that flood.
So, open up the sky, yeah,
Open up the sky.

I've had my disappointments.
I've cried a time or two.
These showers of love I long for,
They only come from You.
Now I want to go deeper ,
Fall in over my head.
So, send Your Holy downpour,
And let the healing begin.

And I can't wait
To be swept away.
Only You can stop the pain.

End of Blog Breakdown:
Hero: IHOP at 2am
Villain: People blowing up when they don't knwo the half of it
Quote: There were so many at IHOP, I can't name just one.
Mood: aggrivated

Everything You Want on a Sunday Night

And then there were four. And my Colts are out. What in the world happened? This season was our season. And God is a Colts fan. How in the world can you make an assumption like that, Bob? Because how many second chances did Indy get those last few minutes of the game? An interception!!! Game is over, no wait, apparently it was really just an incomplete pass, try it again Peyton. Result? TD. Last chance and Peyton is sacked at the two yard line. Game over, no wait, fumble and we get the ball back. Colts drive down the field to set up for a game tying FG, but miss way, way, way to the right. The Colts in the last quarter were given every chance to succeed and fell short. So I guess it's not our year. If we can't win a game that gives us so many breaks like that, we don't deserve the Super Bowl.

I feel horrible. Normally, I would call her back ASAP, in an excited hurry to hear her voice. But not this time. I can't. I need time.

Why is this so hard? We never dated. Ever. But sometimes it feels like August all over again.

I am loving Vertical Horizon right now. Fits my mood well right now. The song today just rings so true to me right now. I love it.

Where did I go wrong? We used to be such good friends, and talked all the time, for hours on end. Now we only talk if one of us is going through a rough time, and often not even then. Since when did we become too busy to talk...at all?

Random Humor from my Calendar:
Actual Things Asked of Librarians
Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park sites?

I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39.95. Can you tell me which one it is?

Which outlets in the library are appropriate for my hairdryer?

Why must you assume that you did something wrong? No, I am not going to yell at you and no, that is not acceptable behavior. So things didn't go as I wanted, that's not your fault and if I chewed you out for it, it would be a bastardish thing on my part. I love you. Always have, always will. Above all, I want you to be happy, and if that means woth some else and not me, so be it. Sometimes when it comes to happiness you have to be a little selfish and choose what makes you happiest. And I support that path. And no, I am not going to get mad at you for it.

Cast party last night was a blast. I love having the drama club people over. It is always such a good time. I also enjoyed getting to know a few of our freshmen. They are pretty cool guys.

Killer will be leaving us soon. That will be rather sad. I didn't realize how much I'm gonna miss her until this week when you realize she's actually leaving, and probably for good. Kinda crazy. But we are going to throw her one helluva going away party.

Well, bedtime for me, although I don't have class tomorrow. Hooray for State schools celebrating holidays. Peace.

End of Blog Breakdown:
Song Playing: "Everything You Want" ~Vertical Horizon
Hero: State schools and holidays
Villain: Beer bottle that was thrown at my car and broke my windsheild
Quote: In real life, when you kill someone, they die...for real.
Mood: mixed

Privilege on a Thursday Night

Wow, still sore. I am not in shape. But this is what I am working at. I am working to prove that I an be more than this. So since it is me putting myself through this, no more bitching about being sore.

Incubus rocks my socks off. That is all I have to say.

I love finally being able to talk to Holly. It is really nice to finally be able to now that I have the balls to. Most of you don't realize I used to be rather shy. And by rather shy I mean incredibly shy to the point that I could not talk to most girls. At all. Couldn't force the words out of my mouth. This was especially the case with Holly. I had a huge crush on her the moment I laid eyes on her in first grade. I can't even imagine what kind of idiot I must have seemed to her, when she would begin to talk to me and I would freeze up completely. Imagine talking to a person pretending to be a statue. I tried talking, I swear, but nothing happened. My mouth would forget how to move, until she got bored or annoyed or confused as hell, or any combination of the three. Then I would go bang my head against the closest wall/random solid object. I don't know what my problem was, I was an idiot. This began to leave me in Junior High, but Holly moved away. So by the time I had grown out of that horribly awkward phase, it was too late. But Facebook has given me another chance to make it so that her last memory of me is not me being stupid.

Oh the things people will say when they don't think it will get back to you. Just an FYI, the truth always gets out.

Just wondering, does anyone actually read the lyics I post here, or should I just leave it as the song in my end of blog breakdown? Or does anyone actually care? Just taking a poll, because I'm not gonna search out the lyrics if everyone just skips over them anyway. So for tonight, no lyrics and we'll see what you think.

End of Blog Breakdown:
Song Playing: "Privilege" Incubus
Hero: Enchiladas
Villain: High School games in overtime before the game you are working
Quote: From my 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Calendar: On pity they don't sell brains there, "Do they sell walls there?" ~Paris Hilton
Mood: sore

Stars on a Tuesday Night

So it's over. Over before it really began. She doesn't have any feelings for me. Never has, never will. So I guess I'm just gonna have to get over her. It's hard though when one girl possesses everything you are looking for a in a girl. And I do mean everything. That doesn't happen very often, if ever. But there is nothing I can do about, but move on.

I went to auditions for a few ISU plays last night. It was fun. It was a couple of firsts for me. It was the first time I had ever competed with theatre majors as well as the first time I had ever auditioned without knowing a few people there already. At 8 that night, they posted callbacks to begin immediately, and then the cast lists this morning. I didn't make any of the shows, but I did make callbacks, and I consider that a success. I competed with theatre majors, people whow are really good--this is what they do, and was able to hang in with them. My goal: to make a show before graduation. We'll see how that goes.

Started a workout schedule today. Went well. I'm going to be so sore tomorrow, but so worth it. I am finally going to bulk up a little and hopefully gain some weight while I'm at it. I weighed myself in the locker room today to see where I am. 162.2 lbs. 17.8 lbs to go. This will be one way to see how my progress is going. I need to get a hold of my old football coach for my old weight lifting schedule. I want something designed around how much I'm lifting now and is designed to build muscle mass. Maybe I'll just go to the football coach here and see what the football players here are on at least.

One of these days, I will understand women. Jesus and I will chuckle about it in my mansion, about how the female mind is even more proof of the sense of humor God has, and how understanding it in heaven doesn't do ya that much good.

Finally got those pictures developed. It's only been a few months now. Check out the pictures on facebook in the next couple of days.

311 just hits the spot tonight. Thanks, Katie, for introducing me to this band.

Speaking of bands, I am gonna miss going to the River Homegrown Show at the Phoenix. They had some pretty awesome bands there and what totally rocks....no cover charge. I saw some sweet bands for FREE. And they are there every Thursday at the Phoenix. We need one of those around here. It is pretty sweet. So all who are in St Louis on a Thursday, do yourself a favor and go get hooked. You can discover some pretty good bands while you'e at it. And if you go this Thursday, another bonus, by friend Brad's band, the State will be playing. So don't sit at home, go!!

You're welcome Brad.

Already had my first day of clases this term at ISU, and I must say, I'm rather liking it. I have four, read it--four, computer science classes and I love it. No retarded classes so far. I think I may rather enjoy this semester.

Anyone up for a good cup of coffee? That just sounds wonderful right now. Good coffee, good conversation. Just escape the crappiness of Terre Haute and enjoy the intellectual beauty of the friends that make me love this place.

It feels great to switch my desktop. A much lighter feel.

This is getting long. So I think I will simply leave you with some Switchfoot to rock out to. I love this song. Maybe it's because I love to just lay outside and look at the stars. Nothing is more relaxing.

Maybe I've been the problem
Maybe I'm the one to blame
But even when I turn it off
And blame myself
The outcome feels the same
I've been thinkin'
Maybe I've been partly cloudy
Maybe I'm the chance of rain
Maybe I'm overcast
And maybe all my lucks
Washed down the drain

I've been thinking 'bout everyone
Everyone you look so lonely

But when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars I see someone else
When I look at the stars,
the stars, I feel like myself

Stars lookin at our planet
Watching entropy and pain
And maybe start to wonder how
The chaos in our lives could pass as sane
I've been thinking bout
The meaning of resistance
Of a hope beyond my own
And suddenly the infinite
And penitent begin to look like home

End of Blog Breakdown:
Song Playing: "All Mixed Up" ~311
Hero: The Packard Bell
Villain: The freezer door
Quote: A lot of stuff, that I can't remember.
Mood: confused

Why Don't You and I on a Friday Night

I did. I finally did it. I said it. I said what I needed to say and it's all finally out there. And it went well. I think. Time will tell, but I am very happy about where we are now.

I had a good time tonight. We went out to dinner at Applebee's (after finding that TGI Friday's had an hour and a half wait) and then came back to the house. I picked up Amy on the way home and we hung out there for a while, playing Disney's Scene It. It was fun. Amy and I were both brought up so much on Disney movies. And then after that, we went back to her house to watch "Bedknobs and Broomsticks" and talk a little. It was nice to hang out with her like that.

I saw an old friend today at Sears. I hadn't seen her since I had graduated, so it was really nice to see her again. We did a lot of catching up. She is one of the people I have known the longest as we went to kindergarten together and was one of the kids I hung out with most in kindergarten. A lot has happened since graduation. She is now married to an Army Lt. in Iraq, and will be finishing up her degree in may of 07 to join him out in Germany where he will be stationed.

Some people amaze me at their ability to not think past themselves.

This one isn't quite as long as normal, but I must be getting to bed soon. I have a long drive ahead of me tomorrow to the Haute. For now I will leave you with some of the magic that is Santana. Enjoy.

Since the moment I spotted you
Like walking 'round with little wings on my shoes
My stomach's filled with the butterflies
And it's alright
Bouncing round from cloud to cloud
I got the feelin' like I'm never gonna come down
If I said I didn't like it then you know I'd lied

Every time I try to talk to you
I get tongue-tied
Turns out, everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right

So I'll say why don't you and I get together an' take on the world, be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again
So I say why don't you and I hold each other, fly to the moon
and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never gonna let me in

When's this fever gonna break ?
I think I've handled more than any man can take
I'm like a love-sick puppy chasing you around
And it's alright
Bouncin' round from cloud to cloud
I got the feeling like I'm never gonna come down
If I said I didn't like it then you know I'd lied

Slowly I begin to realize this is never gonna end
But about the same time you walk by
And I say oh here we go again, oh

End of Blog Breakdown:
Song Playing: "Wish You Were Here" Incubus
Hero: Amy
Villain: Retarded people (Not naturally of course)
Quote: "Life happens" ~Rabbi
Mood: annoyed, but happy

Resolution on a Wednesday Night

2006. A new year. Beginning fresh. New. I love it. A time to begin once again with a fresh slate. Brand new.

Normally, in the first post of the year, I would make some New Years resolutions that I could never actually accomplish, or just make them so vague that who knows if I actually did it or not. I'm gonna work out more. I'm gonna be a better person. How much is more or better? How do I know if I accomplished these goals? Or is that the point? Am I setting my sights too high? If I make them measurable will I fail horribly or am I gonna just be too easy on myself so I can accomplish them? Not this year. Screw New Years resolutions. Let's make new month resolutions. Smaller timespan to work towards. Maybe I set my sights too high and didn't think about how little time I would have. Maybe I was just retarded when I thought these up. Or maybe I was way too easy on myself and need to step it up to make it realistic. Either way, gives me time to evaluate how I am doing and make new resolutions.

Then there is the debate about whether or not to make it private or public. You don't want the world to know where you are lacking. But if you simply keep them to yourself, who will hold you accountable to them? So I decided to read the Bible once a day, since afterall it is what defines my faith, but if I don't who's ever gonna know? No, no, it is always best to have someone to hold you accountable. So where's that perfect middle ground. Well, I have a few basic resolutions that I will make public, and then a few that I will only disclose to my closest friends.

1. Work out at least 3 times a week. I want to get back into the shape I was when I played football, even stronger than that.

2. Read my Bible daily. This is the book that defines my beliefs. No more faith without knowing why. If I don't understand something I will search thouroughly for it. And maybe not just the Bible either. I encourage anyone to question everything I believe, because if I can't back up what I believe, then it needs some work and some true searching on my part for an acceptable answer.

3. Read at least two credible news sources each day. I want to have a better understanding of the issues hitting the world today.

4. Get 6-8 hours of sleep a day. No more, no less. Any less than that and I will not be able to function well. Any more than that, and I am wasting a day away.

5. Not miss a single class each week. This is a tough one, especially when I miss a class and it doesn't hurt me much at all. So I will need TSAV to hold me true to this one.

Texas defeats the high and mighty USC. And the peasants rejoice. The Ohio State played a great game and showed why they are one of the top college football teams. Not discounting the game that Notre Dame played. They played well, just not as good as OSU. All in all, a great year in Bowls for the BCS bowl games. Duke sucks.

I wish I could just tell her how I truly feel. That every moment I spend with her are some of the best of moments of my life. That every gaze at her, I am captured by her beauty all over again. That her voice can brighten my day, no matter how crappy my day may be going. But I am afraid. Afraid of rejection. Again. And I don't want to lose what we have right now if I don't have the chance to pursue more. A chance is all I want, but is that too much?

It is rather too bad that more people didn't want to participate in the reflect on the past year/favorite memory with Bob thing. I was kinda curious about what some people would put. Oh well. I wonder if more people would have done it if Mahoney had started it...

So just before I left the Haute to come home for break, I worked on an awesome Track guide cover. It was due Wednesday by noon, so I started it on Monday. This would give me all of Monday and Tuesday to get this done. Well, I am working on it for abouf eight hours and my Comcrap senior laptop decides to take a crap on me and freeze up and quit on me. Now as brilliant as I am, I had not saved it at all up to this point, so everything I had done was lost. I was so frustrated, I gave up for the night. So Tuesday I get up and start working on it for a few hours, then had to take Lindsey to the airport. I get back and work on it for an hour, then I need to grill these wonderful steaks we had for Steak 'n Beer night. After dinner I work on it a little more, until the idea of bowling comes up. I love bowling and don't get to do it much. So of course I go. When I get back, it's time to work on it straight. This is around 11. By the time I finish it is 7am. And I am so happy to not only be finally done with it, as being a perfectionist has caused it to take forever, but because I think it is one of the best covers I have done, if not the best. Truly something to be proud of and worth the 22 hours spent on it. Then Wednesday morning I get an email back from Kevin telling me that he absolutely loved it and thought it was one of my best covers and that the entire office loved it, but (and this is a big but) Coach hated it. He hated it. He gave me two requirements. One-that he wanted to highlight the SRC, our awesome facilities. To show off what an awesome $21 million complex we have. He wanted it big as possibly the background, but he wanted it to be a main part of the cover. Two-that he only wanted returning runners on the cover. I followed these and followed it well. But he hated it. He hated that R with the elephant was on there. He hated that the SRC was so big on it and it looked like some space station or a television station or something. (Note: This SRC picture is the exact same picture as the one on the cover last year) He hated that some runners on there didn't work as hard as the others. As if I should know this. So now, when we once had an awesome cover with some breathing room, we have no time and nothing to go from. There was nothing he liked about it. We had to scrap it all and go again from scratch. What he wanted was an identical cover to my Women's Basketball cover. Now I hate reusing even the same concept at all, but even more in the same year for different sports. It takes away from the uniqeness and the eye catchiness of the original. It just looks like a copy. I hate doing this. I loathe doing this. But since I no longer have enough time to do another, Kevin throws something together last minute that has no hope of looking near as good as the cover I had created. Needless to say, I am rather pissed.

On a much brighter note, I didn't have to work on the baseball cover near as long and produced a much more appreciated cover. I modeled the baseball cards after a few of my own baseball cards and created a nice template for them. Kevin and I had been talking about this idea as it would be cool if I could pull it off, and I did. When Kevin showed it to Coach Jenkins, he loved it and said he wouldn't change a thing, and his assistant coach said he thought it was the best I've ever done. It is definately one of my favorite ones. I think I am really growing as a graphic designer. I have created covers for eight different sports and had eight different design ideas. I am creating quite the portfolio to show future employers should I decide to head in the direction of Sports Information.

The 24 hour play festival in St Louis was a blast. I have definately grown a bit as an actor. I love doing stuff like that. I received one of the best compliments I think I have ever received that a friend of mine, a guy who will never bullshit around with ya, felt that after watching me in this past show, that he would not be afraid of throwing me in any role and expecting me to carry the show and that it has been incredible watching me grow as an actor over the past year. This guy was my writer last time, so this means a lot to hear it from him. A few of the Chicago theatre majors that were there wanted to know if I went to Columbia or DePaul, and wouldn't believe me when I told them I was a CS. It was just one of those shows that I left feeling great and a real sense of accomplishment. It was just so much fun to watch a show come together like that. I love spending so much time with theatre too. Good times.

Well, I think I'm gonna head to bed, but I will leave you with some Supertones that just seemed too appropriate.

I've meant to do this for some time
I've gotta get it right this time
This time my God I will be Yours,
All my heart, my soul, and mind
Been so long since I truly smiled
But You touched my heart today
Reached through my mind of mud and mire
Consumed the idols in Your way
So I am brand new Today, I make my resolution

Been down so long that is seems like up,
I took it now I've had enough
Of the life that I've been livin'
It feels so cold this far away
So Today I will make a change
I will make a change today
Purge my mind of mud and mire
Cast all my gods away
I am brand new today, I make my resolution

Looking back the way I used to be
It was just me and God
Can I be there again?
Today I make my resolution

Since Adam has stopped doing the end of blog breakdown and I loved that, I am stealing it. Although is it stealing since he is longer doing it?

End of Blog Breakdown:
Song Playing: "The Phase That Pays" The Academy Is...
Hero: 24 Hour Play Festivals
Villain: Coach Larry Cole
Quote: "Fear the straw" ~Dave Carr
Mood: accomplished