The Way I Am on a Wednesday Night

So I haven't updated in a while, I've been busy. It happens. One Acts stuff piles up, and I really haven't had that much to say. I blog when I have something to say, and not because I haven't blogged yet that day. Eh, whatever.

So I really miss freshman year. More importantly I miss that connection Lindsey and I had. I see pieces of it this year, but it's just not the same. It was nice hanging out with Lindsey last night. It was like a taste of what we used to have. She understands me more than anyone on this earth does and it's really nice to just have someone who knows you like that. Also nice to get a "Lindsey massage" again. These are legendary. It was amazing. We also got a chance to just talk, something I haven't done with her in a good forever. It is nights like last night that make me wonder how things would be if I hadn't broken up with her years ago and had tried to make things work. I still know things are for the best with us as just friends, and that it would not have worked out in the long run, but I still miss what we had. However, it's nice to have a friend like her and I'm glad we were able to keep that much. She's too awesome of a person to let go of that.

In case you haven't noticed, my Cardinals soo rock. They are currently 14-5, in first in the division, up by 4 games. In case you don't follow baseball much, that's a hell of a start. It is currently the best record in baseball. Mark Mulder threw a 10 inning shutout of the Astros the other day. Now that's just nuts. The last time that happened was in 1988 when Greg Maddux pulled off this phenomenal feat. He was voted the MLB player of the week, to no surprise. Other nominees included fellow starters Matt Morris and Chris Carpenter, who have pitched amazingly. The starting pitching staff, which was blamed for the loss of the World Series and has been their weak point for years, is performing like no one else. And the offense has not let up either, but that was almost expected. This year seems to be the year for my birds. I am excited. This summer I plan to hit up Busch Stadium for the last year of it's existance. St. Louis is building a new awesome satadium, but you still have to pay your respects to the old one before it gets torn down. Anyone up for several road trips this summer?

It's getting late and I need bed so I will leave you with some Reality Check, that has been rocking out in my car lately. A reall awesome band.

dimensions of intervention
are needless so I think
striving and thriving I see
I'm driving to the brink
avoiding annoying eternal
complications destinations
unimportant constantly
distorting my relations
from patience to thoughts of
hating anyone in my mind
I find it hard to believe you
can relate to my kind
and if I could I would
pretend that I'm alright
by myself
If you love me as I am I'll
put my pride on the shelf

if I can I'll pretend I'm
alright all by myself
I'd rather drown than take
your hand
it's the way I am

skepticism leaves a wrinkle
on my brow
cynicism prevents my change
with this suspicion I'm caught
in a dilemma
intervention with my psyche?
rearrange
walls built to hinder
the intrusion
preservation of my mental
well being
doubt makes me value the
safety of my distance
can it be stubbornness to
which I cling?

if I can I'll pretend I'm
alright all by myself
I'd rather drown than take
your hand
it's the way I am
and if I climb a wall of pride
swim across my sea of doubt
will you love me as I am
the way I am